How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
