the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Mom said you looked used
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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