I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
