Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
