Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't turn off my feet"
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