better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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