Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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