i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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