Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
