i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize