Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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