I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
