so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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