i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How naked do you want me to be?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
