from now on my penis is your penis
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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