I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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