before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
