i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
God, I missed his penis.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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