Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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