You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
