It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize