You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
