So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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