the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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