why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
