hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
