Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
