dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize