how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
