my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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