i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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