So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
