you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
