sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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