Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
