you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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