he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
