took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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