It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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