the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
