I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
