i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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