genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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