I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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