You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
