Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
