My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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