who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My dick has a subreddit
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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