Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I know her cup size but not her name....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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