Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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