Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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