my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize