Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
