Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
