Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
