he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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