Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
