Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
