Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
