I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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