dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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