I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
