oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My feet surprised me
Randomize