im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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