We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
