so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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