the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize