she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
