Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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