That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize