Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
