it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
