There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
