I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
