Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
