The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
