i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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