I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
