now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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