I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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