You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
